thanks sonia,rainie and well,all who cared,maybe theres no more.
but i shall stop my childishness and start real serious studying.
everything else can wait till after Os.
we can all do it!
everyones' prelims should be around 1 month,our Os is in about 3 months.
lets all mug hard!just for this few months.
its our last chance to study!lets start being very serious if we have not!
(maybe i'm the only 1 not totally serious yet)
but i've decided!and i know this is everyones' wish too!
we want to do well for this exams,we want to score well and enter a good JC!
i know we can all do it!!
JIA YOU EVERYONE!!
i shall keep everyone of my friends in prayers,especially all of us sec 4s.
god will guide us,god will aid us,he is always there for us.
i know we can do!cause we have HIM forever by our side.

ok,nothing much happened today,i shall keep it short.had individual photo-taking.omg,wearing the school blazer made us look soo cool!i so love it!why can't it be part of our uniform??:DD

lolz,anyways,went for emaths tuition today.the bus trip home was as long as usual.smsed to keep myself occupied.glad clarice is doing fine.she suggested that doing a short prayer before i study would help me study with a clear mind and more effectively.i believe it would help and will do so from now.you all should try too!:))

anyways,yup.i'm going to read finish the last part of harry potter and full concentration on studying!

ok,you've made your point.i'm sorry for being a pest for the past few weeks.i guess i've really done it this time.i guess i have pushed it so far that we can't even be friends now,maybe we weren't friends in the first place,i don't know.who would want to be my friend anyway.a friend of a total loser,a sucker,an asshole.i'm sick of myself.i'm disgusted with myself.i just want to show a little support,just that much i can do,maybe not for you but for those in need yet you rejected it totally.i'm so disappointed.not with you but with myself.i guess a loser shall forever be one.you are forever the goddess.you shall forever be the one whom i look up to.you shall forever be in my heart cause i once loved you.maybe this is not love.but i want to believe that it is love.god was good enough to me,he allowed me to know you.thank you dear lord father.you gave me the chance,guided me.its me who pushed it too far till we can't even maintain a normal friendship.i'm such a loser.fine,i give up on myself,i'm tired.i shall just be far behind looking up at you.seeing you happy shall be my joy,causing you trouble shall be my sins.i shall punish myself if i ever commit these sins again.maybe i'm just not fit to be in this world.i shall be by myself.stay alone forever.

today damn sad,didn't go church.cause had mavis in the morning.woke up like 8.30,had mavis from 9.30-12.00.a long 2 1/2 hours of amaths.ok,not very long actually,time flew pretty fast,lol.

i remembered i think she going mavis in the afternoon.i thought of waiting,maybe will have chance to see her.but on second thought,maybe its a better idea not to.i don't know why,i just felt its not ok yet.i wanted to wait and see,yet my insides told me not to.ok,thats lame,but well,i forced myself to leave.haiz,when will i get another chance like this.

grr,i don't know why i'm still so pissed with myself.argh,anyway,went kfc to eat lunch with the rest.had meltz!yum.then i left to go home.the rest went lan i think.since i did not have even abit of interest for lan,i didn't join them.in fact,i hate lan.last time i tried playing lan for 2 hours,ended up with a headache.ok,that sucked,or maybe i suck.

anyways,yup.i don't know where i am heading.i keep asking myself,what am i doing with my life?i keep thinking,yet not doing anything.i know its useless thinking so much,i want to do something.yet i can only think cause i'm so useless i can't do anything.

erm,i just remembered,my birthday this friday.i wonder how many people will remember it.how many birthday wishes will i get?i guess none,cause no one will remember.thats life i guess,erm,i mean thats my life.

"Where esp late in the night when certain things that u nvr considered during the hustling day starts materialising in yor head, u start questioning yourself agn and agn.
Yeah stuff like that. But thinking abt it, why be sad when thr's a choice to be happy? No one's gna sympathize with u, even if they do, its all a facade. All the pretentious and templated comforting words will probably just be read and forgotten.
I love u, u love her, she loves another. I hate u, u love me, and then i love u, u hate me.
They are as simple as it gets. Why bother elaborating? Just makes one wallow in self-pity." (quoted from somewhere,hope its not copyrighted.xD)

yup,its damn true.at least i feel so.i mean thats exactly what i am feeling right now this very moment.and when i read it,i was like,OMG,YUP!you are so right.i mean,though this is life,i can't help it but to feel this way.i know its wrong yet i still feel this way.i mean,i can't help it!!i want to talk to someone,yet i know that talking to them is useless.i want to solve it myself,yet i can't do a damn about it cause i'm so fucking useless.i'm lost.i'm lost for words about myself too.

hmmm,last few days was pretty standard.had school and tuitions and all.nothing much happened.

friday,was our school founders day,had mass in the morning.super long and erm,well,like that lor.i know its wrong for me to be complaining,as we are worshiping jesus.the praises were quite nice.

yup,so after mass,had my english mock paper one.then went with joel and jinyang to emaths tuition.quite good,mrs ng.i really found many topics i'm so unsure of and well,i'll need to study harder to brush them up.supposed to be a 1 1/2 hour tuition.but in the end we stayed for three hours.

after tuition,i had to walk all the way to the 76 bus stop behind to take the bus.and omg,guess who i met there,Nandeesh seh!wah,though i just saw him last june during sentosa gathering,wow,never thought i'd meet him again.LOL.anyways,found out he from TKSS mah.so well,i'll prolly be seeing more of him!Lol.

ok,today was a super long day.3 tuitions!!mrs ong,mavis,then go chem tuition.wah,it was like one after another,i'm tired.but well,prelims and Os coming le,i need to work harder!i need help!i found out i have so many weak topics in various subjects.maybe its already too late!sians.

ok,i know i should be working hard,i keep telling myself i should be working hard.but i never studied to my fullest.i'm a goner.

ahh,i still can't forget her!is that bad.wait,nothing even started from the begining lar,i mean,its just a crush!or at least i think it is.haiz,nvm.i'm so dumb i don't even know what i am doing.all i know is i love her,or at least i believe so...

hmm,yesterday didn't blog,cause my mum just brought back the harry potter,i was busy reading,lol.anyway,nothing much happened.i had chem SPA yesterday.was quite hard,we never seen before such question,we needed to maintain temperature,i think i flung it,skill 3.

hmmm,not sure got what le.anyway,today was quite fun,ok,not say fun lar,but quite meaningful,at least i managed to get some work done.i went with joel and his tuition friends to changi airport to study.though it was far,quite ok lar.i had bio SPA today also,quite ok la,and then after SPA,we went to airport lor.joel thought we had extra bio lessons,so ps us.but we met at paya lebar mrt lar,with his tkgs tuition friends.ermm,if i rmb correctly,they were sonia,alicia,phoebe and pei hsin.yup,and we made our way to airport.

joel bought doughnuts for us,i only tried the oreo ones,cause sonia said it was nice,and i couldn't agree more.yup,actually prolly all were nice lar,maybe i'll try more next time,if joel is kind enough to treat us again.lol.we studied at delifrance,then after alicia and pei hsin left,we went up to the viewing gallery,didn't study much there,after about half hour or so we left the airport.i went with jinyang and junfeng to bishan.junfeng treated us to cartel.damn full!!it was a mistake order and we had such a large serving!had fries,chicken chop,lamb chop,and erm,pork i nto sure what its called,something in a shape of a sausage.yup.i bought 3 more boxes of anime too!cause it was on discount,U.P:29.90 each,now 29.90 for 3!yup.bought burst angel,melody of oblivion & fafner.

after that headed home,156 took like forever to come,reach home like 9.30 le,mum scolded me,said i should at least called home.lol,sry lar!i forgot.

k lar,very tired and full!!:)),i go read abit of harry potter then go sleep le.

ok,i have decided.i shall grow up.
i shall take control of this infatuation,this crush,
this whatever it is.
i know i am a nobody to her,
i know if this continues i'll be hated.
BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.
i think i like you ok.
but i can't say it,
cause we are not even counted friends.
anyway,even if i say it,
it would mean nothing,nothing at all.
you said you are nice,
i can't disagree with it at all.
you said you would treat everyone as friends,
equality,i thought it was hope.
OMG,I SUCK.
I SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR FROM THIS EARTH.
i'm really confused,
what the hell am i trying to do?
what the hell am i trying to achieve?
a guy who is only fit to love,hate,be hated,
NOT TO BE LOVED.
i really don't know what am i doing with my life.
i am so afraid i would be hated by you,
yet i keep saying lame stuffs to you.
you said its nothing,
but i keep thinking that one day you would hate me.
i'm so afraid for that day to come.

PLEASE GOD,
HELP ME,
SAVE ME,
GUIDE ME.

i'm so lost,
so lost.
please don't hate me.
i've decided,
i should take one step at a time.
i should just aim for us to be friends,
before thinking about other things.
every time i read post about other guys,
i get jealous,
or at least i think that is jealousy.
i have learnt that jealousy is a sin,
i have told myself i shall be a good son of god,
i shall try not commit any sins.
but its hard,
i can't help but be jealous.
i think its because i suck.
i am not fit to be a child of god.
i am so lost.
i thought i have matured,
both spiritually and mentally.
i guess i am wrong,
i'm still as childish as ever.
when will i ever grow up?
but i still dare say,
i ever like you.
and am still liking you.


hmmm,didn't know can press "enter" and leave such a big space,quite fun sia:))

churchie day again!quite fun lar today.our group 4B in charge of leading everyone.i did ling shi as usual with gongtuo,wengrong,amanda,hannah.quite nice the songs today.

after everything,we played some games.erm,first up was ice-breaking game.we played wacko.i was like not familiar with everyones name.but luckily everyone also not familiar with my name,i was not called at all.LOL.after that was blow wind blow,super lame game,but fun,with over 50 people playing.LOL.yup,finally was erm,musical chairs,sort of.50+ people play with 20 chairs,after first round more than half was out.lolz.yup,and the last four was promised a prize!it was a forfeit!they bluffed us.lol~anyway,the forfeit was to use their butts to write "SINGAPORE"lol,very funny.

after the games,we had a discussion again,today's was on the importance of "tuan qi",yup,a little dry the topic but its quite meaningful.anyway,after church went to mac for lunch with gt and wr,then went home lor.actually wanted study with xiu and amanda,they dao me,haiz,nvm lor.a loser shall forever be daoed and remain a loser.xD

anyways,come home,half study half slack.and here i am writing this post.ohya,last night i was chatting with her cousin.lol,reminds me oh good old primary school days.ohya,btw,her cousin was primary3.LOL.she could not understand me half the time,but well,i'm nice and patient,i changed my terms to simpler ones:)).the things we chatted were very random,i was half the time trying to dig out "inside information"=DD.but well,i failed.LOL.ok,i'm getting super lame.joel even scolded me,saying that this is going to be an obsession soon.i can't disagree that i'm going overboard,i may be crazy or mad,or idiot or dumb,but at least,i think i am serious this time.well,though this is not the time,with Os in 12 weeks,i can't help it.

lol,aiyah,heck!!be it a crush,infatuate,perhaps love??i'll try not let it affect my studies.haha,i rmb last time P6 got something like this happen before.i had a crush on erm,colleen if i rmb correctly.it was err,i also can't rmb all that happened!lol,anyway yup.that was childish me from my past.now i shall handle it more maturely.i hope.you-know-who,tell me if i get tooo overboard,but don't hate me pls.xD,tyty.

ok,nothing much le bah.tmr then post again.

lol,super bored,saturdays always nothing to do one.anyway,past few days were crappy,i was the lamest guy,kept thinking whether what i saw there was true and though i know its supposed to be nothing,i just felt heavy and weird.ok,its not meant to be understood.

but well,last night i clarified some things,or at least the answers i received were erm,sort of satisfying.LOL,ok,i'm about to start laming again.hmmm,i know a normal person would just go for it,admit you like her,if you get rejected,its fine,no big deal.but,i feel its irresponsible to do so at the moment,i mean,yup,i really want to know you first.and of course,i'm not a normal person.xD

ohya,she also said there was this irritating person in her life,its that refering to me?LOL,though its denied...maybe its a hint?lol,maybe i am just thinking too much.but well,it does get very irritating if you get bugged too much.i have to admit that person will be hated and if i ever am such a bugger,forgive me.=))hmmm,besides her,i think jieying also said something about a bugger a few days ago.LOL,so many despo guys around.wahah,but love is so uncontrolable,maybe not love lar,infatuate?crushes?lol.

hmmm,enough said about last night le.today,mrs ong again,write composition,super sian,then go mavis as usual.now at home half studying half slacking.stupid phone can't connect to computer.i think need a specific wire for that specific model.hmmm,not sure,i'll try find the box.

last night,i had the most random dream lar.i know dreams are meant to be random,but last night was the worst,it can be counted a nightmare?LOL.i dreamt of khong sheng mutilating someone and we were all suspects of the murder.the people in my dreams ranged from 4F people to people i don't know.omg,but why mutilation??i think its all JH's fault lar.tell him le stop flooding my mind with his future plans of mutilating people.i go sms him this morning he go scold me say i'm worst cause i not only dreamt about mutilation but i dreamt of KS too,dots dots.LOL,ok,this is like the lamest and stupidest dream i ever had.

ohya,tomorrow churchie day again.thats fast,LOL.yup,can't wait to go church see everyone again.k lar,i go sleep abit.gd nights.xDD

today,very sadded.but owell,i brought it upon myself,i'm to blame for everything,a sucker will forever be a sucker.but i guess i'll start with the day's happenings.

go school as usual,cause yesterday MC,i missed quite a bit.go school,rushing through chemistry homework in the morning,cause i volunteered for national day sales of goodies,so we had to submit the form today.at morning assembly,i noticed the china people no longer standing opposit,i thought they gone back le,but recess still saw a few of them,lol.so i guess i was wrong.

anyway,english lessons was as interesting as the day before,miss leng spoke chimly and the lesson was so interesting.yup,after that was chemistry,then maths.but i got to skip maths,=)).cause today i got life-science,i go be supporter.so at 12.00 we boarded the bus to go to ngee ann poly le.at there,we had to listen to 6 group of presentations,one belonged to our school.all their ideas very interesting.got boardgames,plants,etc.the food reception was cool too,the cream puff very nice,xD.

yup,but the thing ended super late,was like 5+ going 6 le.took bus,from there to my home like super long lar.i had to take 52 to bishan then change 156 back to my house.by the time i reach home was like 8.00 le.ate dinner,so tired le tonight,slacked at computer.ohya,my mum gave me her old phone,xD.its a touch-screen phone,no buttons at all,quite cool,thanks mum,=)).at least its better then my old phone,with no bluetooth and all.

ok,now to the sadded part of my day.i think you-know-who has a crush,either that or they are in love.ok,its not really my problem,i already said i am a sucker,i'm a wtf,didn't have high hopes from the start.but strangely,i felt weird.something heavy inside of me,i want to stop thinking of it yet i can't,it keeps returning.this sucks,no,i suck.ok,i'm a little confused with myself,nothing surprising as its Ian Low you are talking about,i'm like the dumbest guy you can find on this earth.

hmmm,hopefully its nothing bah,or hopefully i can forget it.anyways,Os like in 12 weeks,i shall not let this affect my studies.yup,i go sleep le,hopefully wake up tomorrow and find its all a dream,xD.(i know its impossible)

today i am sick,didn't go school,stayed at home,slept almost the whole day.so shiok,so long never get to sleep so long le.ok,maybe not,holidays just ended 3 weeks ago.lol.

anyway,Os is like getting nearer and nearer,i know this fact yet i'm still studying half-heartedly.i know if i don't buck up,i'll never get into a good JC,or maybe won't even make it into a JC.

everyone seems to be studying extra hard,even you-know-who is studying hard,i think.didn't get to chat for 2 days le.ok,i don't want to only talk and no action le.i've decided,i'll really start,i'm going to study 1 chapter of each subject everday.thats set.

ok,very late already,tomorrow then start,LOL.haiz,i go sleep le.

yet another day of my boring life.go to school,same as always,crapped in the morning.i found out that this national day got sale of food again,i decided to volunteer myself once again to organise this thing.but everyone seems uninterested this time,they seem to be wanting to focus more on studies.i guess i'm the only one still not serious about my studies.ok,thats bad,so bad.

morning assembly was as long as usual,national song,pledge,school song,morning prayer,i very nice one ok,always keep all my friends in prayers,=)).yup!ohya,that colin tan super irritating,i'm not the type who would hate anyone(except dylan that is,i don't know why but i just can't get along with him,lolz),unless that person does things without going through his thick skull.well,colin was like yacking through morning assembly,through the announcements,even when brother was looking at us.hmm,brother is our principal.xD,cause we call him brother anthony,catholic school mah.yup,and colin was like talking and talking and talking,i mean,basic courtesy?when other people talking you should shut your gap and listen?well,i tried to hush him but he would't listen.ok....nvm,not worth me getting angry over,i shall forget all about him.

lessons was as boring as usual,but today's english was quite interesting,miss leng spoke to us in her usual "chim" language.but this made us think and made the lesson interesting.bio,then chem.ohya,we finally reached the climax topic for bio."reproduction in humans",LoLz.i don't see anything special in this topic but my whole class was wide awake this 2 periods,especially hongming who sleeps practically every of the other periods.this topic is quite ok lar,but i still can't label the parts for the left-side view of the female reproductive system.this is bad,i guess i'll need to work on it.prelims and Os is super near.

after lessons,went home,actually suppose to do 2.4km run today,but i know i will fail,so didn't go at all.i'm such a loser lar,a guy that fail 2.4,a sissy.even you-know-who can run 10mins lar,2.4km.i suck.anyway,yup.didn't go,actually its supposed to be thursday for us sec4s,but thursday i got life science thing,so they ask us go today.but heck.

yup,came home and slept,super tired today.didn't even get a chance to chat with you-know-who today.thats sad.anyway,go back study abit then sleep le bah.nights people.

wahah,took my last chinese paper today.wootx.1 paper down!6 to go..i know i dumb lar,only can take 7 subjects,but i'll do my best for all 7 yea?.school ended at about 12.50 or 1.00,cause was racial harmony,watched a dumb blur video for RME.after school,we decided to go out of school for lunch.

ohya,while we were walking down the stairs,a few china girls walked past.(they came for exchange program mah to our school)then the joel suddenly pop this out:why they see such a shuai ge all look down de.lol~i was like,erm.....its cause they didn't notice i was beside you.LOL!damn funny lar at that time.well,mr kwok asked us "marists" to go be friendly with the china people,of course we want to be friendly with them,but well,hard to say hi with strangers.Lol..hmmm,see how bah,still got chance.lol.oh btw,i was kidding up there,i'm such a wtf,if i mean what i said,i'm such a bu yao lian.

lol,anyway,yup.came back,took listening,suddenly started raining lar.lucky we could still hear the radio clearly.quite ok lar listening,i think i can get 18/20.hopefully.xDwent home,chiong tuition homework.at night had science tuition.

ok,i told myself i needed to have impulse control!i didn't talked to you-know-who today.i was biting my lips,grabbing my hair,banging the tables....just to resist the temptation of not starting a conversation.LOl..but well,i almost failed to control my impulses,but she logged off...xD,ok,this is lame,so lame.but well,despo?hmm,i'd say i won't mind being a despo if its for you-know-who.

ohya,i read just now,athelia fell into a drain while walking on the road.i was like half"wah!athelia,you ok not?" and another half laughing..my stomach really hurts,lol.i mean.how you walk into a drain?lol..ok,i sound so mean.but seriously,you ok not athe?=D.

lol,ok.maybe i should go sleep le,tired,don't feel like studying anymore tonight,you-know-who also gone le.think i sleep bah,nights.xD

this sucks,i can't spend one day resisting the temptation of not "talking" to you.and when we "talk",i feel disappointed because you always seem so busy or so unwilling to "talk".i know i'm a loser,so it's alright.i know i suck,so thank you for tolerating a sucker.

when you wished me good luck i know i will do very well tomorrow,thank you for taking your time to speak to a total loser.your encouragement is all i need to do my very best.thanks.thankyou.thankyouverymuch.thankyouveryverymuch.

wahahah,i tried doing an emo post.but doesnt look like one,ok.i can't even be emo!i suck!!xD.but seriously,wish me good luck for tmr!lol.

sunday today,churchie again!"make friend with teacher" day again,lol.as usual,uncle gongtuo take like hours to get ready.luckily we weren't late for church.same as always,prayed,sang praises,did feng xian,did feng xian dao gao,announcements,and we were off.

today we go west mall the kopitiam to eat,i ate gan lao mian again!lol,the whole kopitian only this noodles suited my appetite.xD and ordered lychee drink,love lychee drink.=D yup,chatted,ate,laughed.so fun with everyone around.next week our turn lead again,i guess i do lin shi again bah,thats all i can do,i suck.amanda and hannah was playing "sissors,paper,stone"wacking each other's hand.its so erm,pain?lol,in the end hand so red.hannah ask me play,i refused!!how can i hit a girl?i am so gentleman ok!Lol....

after that we left,i went mac with gongtuo buy sundae.suddenly feel like eating.lol.choco fudge sundae.yumyumm,i just love mac's ice-cream.walked,talked eat.then i made a point to go toilet before boarding the mrt,later like last week got to stop at causeway point to use toilet again.lol~

ok,now i'm back home.slacking?hmm,ok,i must do my homework,got tuition again tmr.why do i have tuition almost everyday?so sad,but owell,my Os year,got to work hard.lets all work hard together!!

walala..tmr sunday again!and its "make friend with teacher" day again!lol,i super love this day of the month,not cause got free treat lar,but cause we have the tme to sit and chat.i want to know more about my friend's lives.esp my dearest 4B di shiong jie meis.

today ar,mrs ong,mavis,slacked.ohya!mavis,we doing amaths revision.i manage to answer quite a few sums.am i getting better?lol.hopefully,like 12 weeks left only.

hmm,my life super boring lar.erm,what else to blog ar..hmmmm...ok,i think i'm going crazy over someone.but well,Os more important lar atm.must concentrate.yup!

good luck all sec4s for monday's ting li bah,and coming Olvls!erm,athe and ML for streaming?lol,i think athe went for not sure what interview,i also not sure what results but sure np de lar.to everyone else!gd luck for EY examinations.erm,did i miss anyone out?xD

firday is a super long day sia.especially today!had lessons till 3.rushed home,rush tuition homework,then had tuition.super sian,until 8.00 den can rest.then have to chiong mrs ong homework,tmr morning got mrs ong class.

wah,told myself i can't chat until i finish my homework!!must have impulse control!!wahah,(mr kwok's words!xD)yep,managed to finish.

JH kept pestering me to ask my dad buy SAW 1,2,3 for him!i was like erm,ok.....(fu yan him abit).its like super sick lar,saddist show!i can't even stand happy tree friends.i'll never watch SAW!

i want to post pictures,if not this blog super boring.but my phone no camera,and posting pictures damn troublesome.lol.next time bah,after Os,ask my mum buy me a better phone!

hmmm,i think about here bah.wishing all my sec4 friends good luck for monday's listenining comprehension,others good luck with your studies and everything else!(esp you-know-who!)xD.i'll keep all of ya in prayers yea!

i say i want to stop,i can't stop.i said i'll start mugging,i open my book i sian.i say i'm going to finish this piece of work by today,today end without me finishing it.

what am i doing with my life.procrastinating,wasting time,slacking.i just can't concentrate!how??Os is in 12 weeks,i aiming 10 points.thats impossible if i don't start studying now.

any suggestions?smash my com?i think will not be useful,i'll still slack and not study.force myself to study if not i don't sleep?don't think will work either,i lack that much of determination.

i think i need a hope to cling onto,i need to work to achieve this results for someone.i tried myself,but since i hate myself so much,it doesn't work.should i just die?

wait,maybe i should try working for her?something like if i don't get 10 points,i should just forget about her and maybe just die?cause i'm not fit to even think of her?i'm such a total loser?i suck?

hmm,its worth a try.

today go watch Harry Potter,not as nice as i thought.so little action,only 2 cool scenes.(the broom flying and flying with erm,i 4gt what is that creatures name)

yup.i still don't understand why everyone says emma watson is chio,i don't really feel so.owell,different people different taste.or maybe mine just suck.jacob was saying the girl acting ginny was chio too lar,i don't know her name,cause i felt shes ugly since the first harry potter show.

ok,i got so much stuffs to do this 2 days.lots of school homework and tuition homework.tomorrow still got amaths test.so much to do.i'm so tired,someone!give me some hope to cling on to,=X

ok,i shall go rush up my stuffs.Os is like in 12 weeks,am i prepared?doubt i'm even half prepared.no time more to lose.jia you everyone.

wtf,last minute then tell me got remedial.what you want me to do,pop 2 people out go watch ar.i'm super pissed.aiya,i tell you all,i had it,i never going to book tickets for you all anymore.

spoil my good mood for tomorrow.omg.

ahh.she really rocks lar!xDxD.i'm going crazy.infatuate?love?

ok.i'm happy again.ahah.=D.

today,nth much happened again.had to stay in school till 3.45 then GEP starts,ended at 4.45.i knew miss lee was a better geography teacher!as in is one that can help me.with her gep,i bet i'll score at least 1 grade higher.

ok,while waiting for gep,we had access to the class i-mac,joel surfing his friendster,since we super bored,we stay at the side see chio bu lor.but seriously,no one can be more chio than her lar.omg,shes like erm..OMG?!lol.

haiz,super bored,i think i'll really sleep early today!some lessons i was half asleep,all must take care too!!especially her.see like she so stressed,i also can't do anything to help,im such a loser.

Friends is my life,Love is my dream,Death is my goal.

omg,yep,i so wana believe in it,at least 2/3 of it is so true for me.anyway,yup,don't know why i'm writing this post,but,i want to remember this moment of my life,forever.

i so like her,is this love?maybe not.well,how can it,we have not even really got together to know each other.Love at first sight?wait,have we even really met?ok,nope.i never felt so strongly for someone before,wait,maybe there was once or twice,but died down after we did not get to meet for ages and i sort of gotten over it.but this time its different.i know its different!i won't let it die down.i will let it remain in my heart forever,it may be a dream,a fantasy,i don't care,i just love you and thats that.lol,i know i suck.i only have the rights to love and not to be loved.everything about me sucks.i'm like so wtf,and she's like so omg.wtf and omg is from 2 different worlds!ok.omg!!seriously crazy le.is this called despo??hmm,maybe,but i dont care.she'll always be a dream.ohya,she said she believed in destiny,in fate.i guess i'll have to believe in it too.yup,i'll wait,i'll be there for you whenever you need help,i'll help you cause i love you and not because i want you to love me.erm,is love too strong a word to use?maybe "like" is a better word?this is so not a game,like i said and beleive in,i so hate guys who hurt girls.i'll never be such a guy.

haha,i thought only girls would think so much about love,i guess im uh-hem..kk,nvm lar,i don't regret liking her before even if she does not like me.yea,shes the best.omg,i so rmb the first time i saw her pic on someone's friendster.xD.WHOS THAT CHIO BU??omg,so angelic like lar.haha,i still rmb my face when i saw it.i was like omg...

wahah,better le putting it down,like this also i will never forget it,can come back read.xDyup!

okay.lessons as usual.boring intesting,all the same.chemistry gep today.

ohya,today one guy from SAJC came to our school to talk,telling us about our possible combinations and all.its very interesting and i so need it.i'll try find more infromation on those too.

haiz,go home,very tired.dont know why i super tired this few days,better sleep earlier bah today.

at night,i asked to be invited to go to a new church.wah.dont know why,the conversation became so weird!i'm like soo pai seh now.what to do?!omg,i suck lar.ok,i so screwed our link,are we still friends now?okay,my mistake,who would be friends with a total loser like me lar.i meant would you still talk to me?

hmm,don't know lar!i'm so screwed now.i don't know what i am doing,i'm so fucked up.i suck!what am i going to do??ARGH..god,help me!!

wahah,its sunday!!=D my most fav day of the week.

ok,went to church,was already late le,gong tuo still didn't come down on time,we were almost late for sheng jing fang again!thanks mr gong,or mr tuo.hmmm,which is your surname ar?xD

k lar,sry,not good to joke with people's name.anyway,today's bible lesson was on jealousy,teaching us that jealousy can lead to killing,scary eh?anyway,as usual,we were taught not to be jealous,though its human nature,but well,we have to try to control ourselves.

yup,after church went with gongtuo to mac to eat.i was so hungry lar,didn't eat breakfast.btw,everything in mac increased price by 10 cents.=/ even soft swirl cone was 60 cents.i mean since mac is earning so much,why can't they cover the gst increase?=X

o well,guess we'll just have to eat less of mac from now.=)after that went westmall.GT wanted to buy pen from popular,just tagged along lor.took train home.super lame lar me,in the mrt suddenly bladder full,need go toilet.stopped at woodlands to use toilet=X.

lol,k lar,about here bah.i keep procrastinating,can't get things done like this.i have to have a plan for myself!a time-table or something.

i booked le,tickets to harry potter this thursday.can't wait,i know its gonna be a nice show.i wana watch transformers,die hard 4,rush hour 3,many many more!!=X.

hmm,suppose to be a saturday post,seems like i overshot the time by 40 mins.o well.doesnt make much of a difference.

today mrs ong tuition again,lots of hw sia.then go mavis,super heng,miss chee ask me the questions i still can do.after that go home lor.

Os is like in 3 months and i'm still not prepared,or maybe i have not even started my revision.i better plan a time-table out for myself and force myself to stick to it.if not i'm a goner.all my friends all so smart,athelia also,went for not sure what IP interview.

why is everyone but me so smart.

ok,i'm not complaining,i'll just have to work harder.we can do it.eh,i just realised something.we 3 cousins are taking major exams this year,athelia taking her sec2 streaming,meimei and i taking our Os.yep,lets all study hard and do well.

ohya,my geog homework not finished,due like ages ago le,miss foo gona murder me if i still don't hand in on monday.i'll finish it after church tomorrow.wonder what we'll do tomorrow.sundays has always been the best day of the week.xD

am i fit to be in this world?why am i borned to this world?am i fit to love?am i fit to be loved?who the hell am i?hmm.too many questions i keep asking myself,but i can't seem to find the right answers to them.

but i think Os more important bah.i'll figure out my maths and bio question first bah.after Os then go think till i die.

today,2 tests sia,bio and geography.both also abit hard,cause i wasn't fully prepared for it.yup,anyways,still had to sit for it.

ended lessons at 12.40,walked out to school gate,met ian,brandon,colin.they said they going AMK hub to eat,so i just tagged along lor,we walked to the gate,on the way,Mr Chong's car drove by with him inside,wtf?hes the worst ever sia.ok,i never like to blog bad things about teachers,but well,hes the worst!he go tell us that we can't leave the school until 1.20.said what school rule or wadeva shit.we were like,er,but our lessons ends at 12.40,what are we suppose to do?sit down and wait till 1.20?he go tell the security guard at the gate not to let any students go before 1.20,that is like so wtf.so we weren't allowed to leave.

later jinyang brought a note from office then they let us out.lol.we sat brandon's car to hub.he rich man son sia,got driver somemore.reach there,we decided to eat pepper lunch.first time i eat,quite nice,but ex sia.owell.after that we walked to jubilee,brandon said he want buy something from popular,in the end its just full-scap pad.wtf,make us walk in the hot sun for paper.lol.ian suddenly told us there the cinema only $5 per show,i wanted watch transformers!but they all don't want,and sadly,today is friday,its $6.50.lol.haiz,so took a bus home lor.

damn sian,at home nth to do,i so want to talk to someone.ML!where are you when i need you.=X,ok,this is so lame.anyways,slept till dinner,still couldn't find anything to do.eat,now i still slacking.

k lar.nth much ler,i think i going sleep soon.

finally,the day of my olvls chinese orals arrived!is it a good thing that it is finally over?lol,maybe.

anyway,was super nervous right before my turn,i was like one of the last,waited and waited patiently.was like praying every few mins,hoping that the question was ok and that me and my friends would do alright.finally my turn arrived,walked up.read the passage.relatively simple.but i was so nervous i read one super easy word wrongly,hopefully i don't get deducted marks for it.conversation was quite easy,asked whether i liked to do sports,of course i said yes,"bluffed" my way through.lol.finally,its over.i walked out,the end.xD

hmmm,yup,end of my orals le,no more second chance,unless i retake next year,which i don't intend to.yup.nothing much le bah.

come to think of it,theres so many people i soo wish to meet!can i?soon?xD

lol,i scared i tonight lazy post,so now just write something bah.school was like super boring today,i was like dozing off at almost every period.chinese period was as usual.PX and his lame lesson,err,if u can count that a lesson.

after that had SS,i am down for GEP geography!miss lee sia,wootx.lol,no other meaning,but i just feel shes a great teacher,mr goy's class too chim le,only for good students,a failure like me can't learn anything there.

had maths test,integration.quite ok lar,after school that day had NSW maths competition,as usual,mcqs were piece of cake,last 5 questions were killers.hopefully at least a credit bah.xD

reach home,slacking time,wahah..no lar,slack abit later go study,i got mavis tonight also.made a new friend online too,er,if u can count that a friend.lol,thanks to Ms Athelia Low.go use my blog tag her friend.lucky your friend is chio bu,if its err-hem,i gona kill you on sunday,haha.

hrm,k lar,nth much to say up till now,later going mavis,i go bathe le.

school today was as usual,but that colin tan really damn qian bian in morning assembly,i mean can't he just shut his trap for like 10 mins?anyway,ms foo threatened to send us to the courtyard tomorrow morning during morning asseembly,like i really care,but well,its dumb.

anyway,had lessons as usual,came home,slacked,play abit of conquer.nth much happened today lar.

lol,few days a go i was like excited about the coming chinese orals,now as the day comes closer,i becoming more nervous,can i do it?i really hope so,wish me good luck.xD

well,i'll wish you all good luck too,and to those who have already done it,good luck on the results.=)

nth much today too,youth day holiday mah.whole day at home.morning chiong tuition homework,afternoon chinese and chem tuition one after another.abit sian,but well,Os super near le,think of it also abit scared le.must start working hard.

last friday mrs koh came to our class talk to us.tell us about our low grades and all,i don't know about the rest lah,but i abit worried le,i saw the list of JC cut-offs,all damn high,L1R5 points super low.i aiming nanyang or anderson JC,10 or 8 points.super hard,but well,i've decided,i'll work for it.

all must jia you too.we'll work together for our goals!ohya,gonghua last time ask me organise study group,up till now i have not asked anyone,she said want 6I people=/,i try ask bah.anyone who read this interested in studying together?

hahaha,today super cool!alot of fun things happen.went church,was like 5mins late!haha,walked in.cause i no song book mah,ask the sec 1 girl to share with me,she whisper with her friend,=X,i got look so scary meh?haha.anyways,ya.suddenly audrey ask me,"you jioing esther is it?"i was like stunned.lol,i mean i haven't even met her lar,not i giving flowers to her larZ!its wengrong!lol.though i think i would't mind jioing her if i met her i think,she seems like a sweet person.don't ask me what gives me that impression,i don't know.

k lar,today was celebrating youth day,cause ours is youth fellowship mah.we went to the basketball court behind to play games.we played floorball with newspapers,played soccer and basketball,quite fun.lol,"floorball sticks" like clubs like that,like we going gang fight.hannah is our "da jie da"hahah..super funz lah.sheng jing fang rocks!

lol,today that chio sec3 girl came.i went to ask her last last friday is it her i saw at the business plan compeition,she said yes she was there.lol,but thing is,she didn't recognise me there.sad,i recognised her lor!maybe is cuz people is chio bu,i is CMI lar.LoL.heard business plan her group didn't win anything too,hard to win lar,6 prizes out of 50++ groups.good try i would say for her group,quite interesting project on mushrooms.at least you guys can try again next year,xD.good luck.

today whole day wengrong put out one black face,games also don't want to play.ask gongtuo also don't know why he like this,you don't want tell us we can't help you.o well,maybe you have more reliable friends to help you and don't trust me,then good for you,but don't always bring a black face to church leh.

haiz,kk.after church,went with wengrong to westmall,ate noodles again,lychee drink is so nice!,lol,since last trip to genting,don't know why i like drinking lychee drink.lol,ya.bought this new manga from comics connection.then took mrt home lor,super tired.

played abit of conquer,woot!robe finally elite!cause my bro found a db!so many good things happneded in conquer today,lol.

ohya,last night heard jieying was sick,have fever i think.must take care.will keep ya in prayers,may god bless.

hmm,my school got one person spreading satanism i think,shall post more if i get more details,i totally disapprove his actions,so does many people.

ianHIGH(:
030891;
ParryPS; MSHS; InnovaJC;
CRAZY for ANIMES;
{LOVES} GOD; myFRIENDS; 0823A; PONTIARACO; FLOORBALL; HYPERNOVAS; INNOVA; ANIMES; HOCKEY ; SLEEPING; PURPLE; SUBWAY;
{HATES} MUGGING; JERKS; MUTILATION;
I am just a normal guy,leading too normal a life.Gentlemanly?maybe a little.Smart?not at all.Handsome?HA!i wish.