still not sure of my choice yet.
have lots to consider..
but i'm glad many friends are staying.
place my complete faith in the lord.
can i do it?
depend on the lord whenever troubled.
can i do it?
every answer is in the bible,i just have to read for it.
can i do it?
i really don't understand why i am like this.
giving myself unnecessary problems.
causing trouble for others too.
i really don't know why did i have to do it last sunday.
is it a test from the lord?
i tried to see it as a test from the lord,
but i think i'm just using it as an excuse to cover my wrongs.
regreting is of no use.
but i have no ability to turn the situation for the better.
i really hope the lord can guide me.
i have this feeling i'm just making everything worst.
i really hate myself,my life.
i feel real empty,real lost.
living for the sake of living.
i want to live for something.
thats why i like to help.
but it sometimes turns out unexpectedly.
ok,i know this is a whole load of crap.
ohyes,i finally heard something today.
i always thought i was the only one,
hoping for someone to study with,
to depend on,to attend lectures with,
but i found someone with the same thinking.
ok,so i guess i'm not adnormal.
or maybe both of us are adnormal.
sorry is a very easy word to say.
i guess you will be sick of hearing it already.
i should not have did it in the first place.
i am just a pathetic guy...
can't decide whether to stay in innova.
there is no really really strong reason for me to stay,
neither is there a really really strong reason to leave.
argh...i hate this too...
why must god put me through so many tests.
i'm so scared i will regret my choice after i end up wherever.
i feel innova is a real nice place to study in.
that i'm very sure of as i have personally experienced it.
but will it be the same after JAE?
i'm really not sure.
and its really damn pissing alright.
its already so long!
i know i'm the one at fault,but...
aiyo,i really wish i could just die,lol.
bio test next week,hmm,im only half prepared.
so should i stay in IJ or not?!
it already the last day to submit...
hmmmmm.
ohyes,today's sermon was very inspiring.
i really felt truth in those words pastor er,
i'm not sure his name.
but hes a real nice and cool pastor.
anyways,back to today's sermon.
i can't really remember the exact details,
as my mind was also elsewhere.
so i remembered vaguely the important parts.
it was about how god made miracles.
about the bread rained for the Egyptians for 40 years.
teaching us that god gives us everything for free,
although we are sinners.
i really agree that i am a sinner.
but after i became a christian,
i begin to notice my sins.
i begin to try not to commit those sins.
though i still do and i really ask for forgiveness.
then he went on explaining the tests god set for us.
the importance of the bible.
the importance of not only be a sunday christian.
and that we should receive the lord into us.
i really felt truth in this words today.
yes,i shall try put all my faith in the lord.
and hope he can guide me to make the right choices.
and guide me to solve my present and future problems.
i'm really not sure if i am making things worst now.
i have just too many things in my mind.
too many choices to make,
and which i am afraid to make too.
went with my cousin to innova today,
visited the library to check out something for bio.
then met mr jeffery to ask abit of advice.
i really don't know where i should go.
then met hannah at westmall,
ate lunch with her and my cousin at pastamania.
went over to mac to eat ice-cream.
chatted for hours la.
then i took a train home.
i have decided to go for the jc route.
but my parents want me to put NYJC as my first choice.
though chances is real slim in entering NY,
and i really love innova.
actually,i am not sure if i really want innova or NY.
scared i might regret after i made my choice.
actually,to me,all JCs are the same.
i don't really care of the entry point or the reputation.
all i want is friends whom i can depend on and study with.
thats all i really want in my next 2 years of JC life.
i know innova has really nice people.
am not sure about NY.
so yup,really not sure what choice to make.
heard a few friends had above 20 points.
feel real sad for them.
though others tell me that its normal and has to happen.
its still very sad alright.
i really hope i can make the right decision,
and not regret my choice.
i really want to do well in the next 2 years,
at the same time have fun in the school!
dear lord,please guide me in making a right choice.
give me strength and bless us all in our next 2 years!
amen.
quite short day at innova.
i still hate it la.
the more i think about it,
the more i regret what i did.
why did i have to do it.sian.
arghh..
went to innova for JAE talk.
after that went with hasyir and his friends to cp.
we ate at kfc,sat,chatted for abit.
then i made my way back to mshs.
believe its the last time i'm going back.
collected my results,pretty average.
just happy i can make it into innova.
actually,alot of people did quite well.
so yup.my score is kinda lousy compared to others.
anyway,don't really care.
so yup,decided that i shall stay in innova.
teachers are fun and nice,
people are nice too,
school is new and cool.
hockey is fun here!
alot of reasons lar,too many to state.
so yup,INNOVA shall be my 2nd home for the next 2 years.
was talking to someone this morning,
understood quite alot of things.
i guess i really blew it this time.
and all i can do is sit and regret.
this sucks la.
no,i suck.zzZ
things are not improving,
i think.
or maybe it is,but i'm just too impatient.
sighs,i just suck alright.
so hope i did not say such a thing.
really can't wait for that day to come...
today's lectures and tutorials was like usual.
only that i spent it half-hearted and well,
my thoughts elsewhere.
after school went with some classmates to civics centre NTUC.
there was hashir,colin & amir.
later andy,hana & jeannie joined us.
bought finish,went back school.
changed into PE.
but i suddenly remembered library doesnt allow PE attire.
was like gosh,what to do?!?
lucky met camarine and xiaofen in canteen.
xiaofen helped me find the bio book i needed.
then i made a copy of it.
cause got bio test next week.
had hockey too.
we went hockey village again.
but this time we J1s got to use the pitch almost the full time.
did many trainings.
trained shooting,dribbling,many others.
made many new friends too.
nadiah,jessica,aloysius,many more lar,only rmb this few names.
anyway,yup,hockey is soo FUN!!.
HOCKEY ROCKS!(:
better start mugging for bio test next week.
good luck to all receiving Os results tomorrow!
including me,haha(:
ok,i have done it once again.
FUCK YOU IAN.seriously,you are an asshole.
i really feel like jumping off a building now.
i really really HATTEEE myself.
you can't meet a guy worst than him on this earth.
i guess its your misfortune to meet a guy like him.
real sorry.i really don't deserve to live,
i really don't deserve to be a child of god.
i really suck to the core....
all i do is make others upset.
IAN YOU SUCK!
ok,another day has passed in Innova.
the stormiest one i have had so far.
its fully my fault,so yup,can't blame anyone else.
hope things change for the better.
arghhh..i so wish to just die right now.
so hope tmr will be a better day.
i suddenly feel so lost.
Yay!the weekend is finally here!!
ok,thats a statement most people will make.
but not me!
i am so not looking forward to the weekend.
cause i have such a large pile of homework pushed to the weekend.
maths,chem,econs,chem test,podcasting,science project,CNY hamper.
maybe theres more,sianed.
today was kinda short.
haha,ok,i'm wierd.people are hoping for a shorter day in school,
i'm hoping for a longer one.hmmm.
anyways,yar.nothing much happened too.
ate at mos after school.
don't really fancy mos,
i feel the food is not worth what i am paying.
subway rocks~hee!
soo love the cookies too.
ohya,i realised i have been eating alot since i came to innova.
and today in BIO,i learned something shocking.
we can't destroy fat cells,we can only produce and shrink it.
so people!if you are fat!you will always be fat!
that sucks ok.
i think the few of us will be meeting up this sunday.
i have decided to use the whole of tomorrow to mug for my chem test.
sunday shall be curchie day!and the meeting for the projects.
so yup,weekend is fully packed too.
alright,better start doing some homework now.
yea~another day has past in innova.
i so like this school now ok.
yes,i think its more or less decided that i will stay.
wednesday:
had normal lessons,lectures and tutorials.
had econs tuotorial.
mdm loh made us introduce ourselves,
ask for our ambition and stuffs.
colin as crappy as ever,nothing,nothing,no ambition,etc etc.
no comments about him lar.
but yvonne and povan's ambitions are quite shocking.
povan want to be a dentist.wow,haha,discounted dentist visits in the future?:D
yvonne's one even more shocking.
i was like wow,expected something like international runner or something.
but hmm,haha.
anyways,had hockey cca in the afternoon.
we went to changi village.
watch our seniors J2 had match with another school.
our boys won 5-2,girls drew 0-0.
we had a chance to hit the ball in the court,
quite fun hockey,so i decided to join that cca.
but i reached home like 9.00.
still had so much homework to complete,
i was barely awake.
managed to crap through my econs tutorial homework.
i was really tired lar,if not i will do a better job.
today:
went to school slightly earlier than before.
actually yvonne invited me along to a prayer meeting in school.
in the end not sure what happened.
it was cancelled or something.
so we just studied abit in canteen with our J2 seniors.
first period was GP lecture.
had to write an essay.
then we had PE.
we played volleyball,
actually i didn't like the sport.
but after today's PE,i kinda like it,it is very fun!
at first was playing with JQ and hashir.
then after we swapped team,
i played with gabrielle and erm.omg,i 4gt her name!
gabrielle was in volleyball in sec sch.
so yup,learned the basics of the game from her.
very fun!hope i get the chance to play more volleyball,
maybe during free time.
had an assembly talk on our library.
mdm gowri very funny.
anyway,yup,had chi lessons to end of the day.
very boring,and haiz.
was half asleep through the whole lesson.
ok,better rush some homework,
have to do out the draft for our science project by tomorrow.
better start work.
another day in IJ,
had lectures and tutorials as usual.
amir sick,absent.
but still had the rest to hang out with.
i don't know how i ended up in-charge of CNY hamper.
and ya,we had to decide for the Science Competition too.
since they allowed self-allocated groups,
guess its the few of us together.
so ya,i think i'll try brainstorm a few ideas too.
had PE after school.
omg,i'm like so unfit!
this kind of light training i already cannot take it.
thinking of the sports school girls.
they in national team.
everyday training even more tough than this.
i better train more now.
i want to aim at least a pass for napfa this year.
ok,now you have a rough idea of how unfit i am.
anyways,yup,lots of tutorial homework.
going to chiong.
you must jiayou!!yes you!
woo,one long and tiring day finally over.
started off with ECONS lecture.
its was quite alright.
i am begining to understand ECONS.
yup.
after that had 1 1/2 hours of super boring chi tutorial.
yvonne good la,took HMT in sec sch,
had that time off to do self-study.
but i heard taking chinese for Alvls gives you extra bonus points to add.
and chi Alvls will be in J1,so ya,i feel she should take it too.
had a one hour break.
same as always,our clique gathered at the canteen.
i was trying to complete my ECONS notes.
the rest were doing chemistry.
then we had CHEM SPA after that.
our CT Mr Lim was our teacher.
today was quite relax la,
only titration.
we did that tons of times in sec school.
Mrs Khoo really drilled titration into us,haha.
real grateful to her,THANKS MRS KHOO!(:
ended chem quite early.
yvonne,povan,amir all went home.
i stayed back for hockey cca.
it was raining!
sad,couldn't have real hockey training.
we just did warm-up exercises and did some physical training.
then we had this introduction section,
where we had to introduce all ourselves.
yup,i feel hockey is great.
i should be joining it after JAE.
ok,better start on my tutorial homeworks.
tomorrow have chem and maths tutorial,
lots of homework to complete.
i'm BEAT!but i'll complete as much as i can.
CHIONG ARHHH!!!:DD
ok,after much much & much thinking.
i realised i'm doing it again.
i'm repeating the same mistakes again.
i know i will regret it sooner or later.
yes,i better stop it now.
i don't want to end up causing trouble for others again.
or hurting myself too.
yes,i'll stop it right this instant.
think i shall not go for 1723 fellowship today.
actually already decided to go for alternate week.
1 week sunday service,1 week fellowship.
guess thats what i shall do.
so today,i shall stay at home and study.
shall go to church tomorrow.
maybe i'll visit sheng jing fang too.
hrmm,see how bah.
alright.back to work.
another day of lectures over.
eh today really damn wasted!
2 hours of lecture and i did not get to sit where i wanted.
haha,ok,i sound pretty despo.hrmmm.
but i don't really think so la.
she is a good lecture partner.
as in its good to have reliable people sitting beside you.
like if you have stuffs you don't understand,
or not sure if its correct,
you can always ask or refer to the person beside you.
but of course,that person must be somone you trust to be correct.
or be able to explain well enough for you to understand.
so yup,thats the kind of person she is.
and well,probably cause of certain other reasons too i guess.
but shhh shhh.
today had a 1hr30 min break.
we sat at canteen and chatted while studying again.
then me and armir went up to see mr azahar about sub combi.
armir was asked to take MLL.
but he didn't want to change class,so he decided not to.
i actually also requested to change combi.
but now,i really love to go to lectures with my class.
so ya,don't want to change class,
actually don't even feel like changing JC for JAE.
then back at the canteen,joined the rest to chat with mr lim,our CT.
he was telling us to make the right descision,
on subjects,or whether to stay in JC or change to a poly.
cause he explained that JC life would be very stressful.
especially for the 2 of them,
who need to juggle their time between cca competitions and studies.
so ya,he asked them to consider if they can really take the pressure.
personally,i thought about it for quite some time.
i feel that they can make it.
we can help them make it.
we can study together,
yea,if we few help each other in studies.
like if any of us miss any lectures or tutorials due to various reasons.
those of us who attend can help and teach.
so we can all mantain our studies.
while excelling in cca and other stuffs.
so yes.i feel it would be great if we few do stay in IJC together.
we can all make it to U together.
haha,it sound so great now.
not sure if it will work out,
or if we will even get the chance to do it.
ohya,later found out that yvonne and povan wanted to change combi.
sian leh,i don't want to lose good lecture partners!
ok,i want to ask more,but guess i have to wait till monday.
that is like sooo long from now.
CHIONG HOMEWORK TIME!!
ok,i finally returned to innova.
today was fun lar.
i enjoyed every lecture.
ok,puvan,i know what you thinking...not only b/c of that.
anyway,i kinda find ECONS not so bad now.
we had a 2 1/2 hour break too.
did our homework and chatted.
ohya,today we made a sort of clique.
me,armir,colin,puvan,yvonne.
yup,it was fun.
hope all of us stays at innova even after JAE.
hmm,i suddenly feel like staying at INNOVA.=X.
better go finish my HW!.
heyz,today was kinda cool.
crashed NYJC..((:
ok,sneaked in with JH in the morning.
first guy i met was terence!
he was like err,why are you here?!?haha.
then next was kwok.hmm,
hes becoming more of an eye-sore.
anyway,lets not talk bad about anyone here.
wanted to sneak into the open plaza and get a feel of NY's morning assembly.
but i thought they had attendance taking,
so i hid in the toilet,haha.
anyway ya,1st period was in the hall.
telling us about fire escape routes and counselling.
pretty boring.
next,was suppose to be PE.
but i attended ELIT & GEOG lectures with JH instead.
kinda boring..same like ECONS.
i'm just so not a humanities guy.
so ya,after that had a half hour break.
saw huey jia in the canteen.
talked abit,i think she was starving or smth,
ya,she went off buy food.
i went along with JH to find the lecture hall for the next maths lecture.
JH was supposed to be at LT1,i dragged him to LT4.
and in return.he forced me to sit right in front of the lecturer!!
i was like ermm,yes,the teacher was directly infront of me.
haha,ya,after maths lecture had a 1hr break.
i took a look at the library.
quite nice,then sat with JH outside and chatted a little.
till it was time for GP lecture.
i decided that i couldn't tahan another lecture.
so i decided to leave.
ate lunch outside of school,
and made my way home.
ok,it was raining monkeys and elephants,
so ya,i was soaked when i reached home.
i quite loved NY la!
as in the school and all,
the teachers gave me an ok impression.
the people..i not sure yet la,one day isn't enough to know people.
but my old friends were cool,yup.
have quite a few friends there.
ya,how i wish i could join you all there.
and xxxxing pissing,i found out if i had appealed,
i could have got in with my points i think.
omg,GAY!!
sadded,hopefully i can get in during JAE,
yea!love NYJC!
ok,i don't hate IJC la,but its kinda far.so yea.
went to school yesterday.
first day of lessons.
my class was 0823A.
went for lectures,
mostly were pretty boring.
i only enjoyed bio and chem lecture.
BIO is super interesting.
CHEM,the teachers are fun and funny.
esp MR JEFFERY LIM.
his penguin joke was funny man.
everyone laughed.
oh,and MR LIM happened to be my CT too.
cool eh?
the rest of the lectures were kinda boring.
esp ECONS.
i was half dozing off.gosh.
ohoh,and my class got 1 girl super chio sia.
if i not wrong she from Singapore Sports School.
hmmm,my reason for going to sch is to look out for chio bu huh?!haha
anyway,ya,
after school,went amk hub to meet huey jia for lunch.
i thought she asking her friends along,so i asked alan along.
in the end she alone.
so 3 of us went to SUMO HOUSE to eat.
i dont know why,eat there always order too much food.
in the end we couldn't finish again.
anyway,went home after lunch.
i am sick.
have a fever.
can't go to school for the next 2 days.
Mr Azahar asked me to see him about my sub combi.
cause i requested to change combi.
change from H1 BIO to H2 and H2 ECONS to H1.
cause i really love BIO.
and ECONS lecture seemed soo boring.
haiz,i don't know already la.
hope i do well enough in Os to enable me to take all at H2.
PHOTOS from sheng jing fang camp!
i know its very late..
camp was like 1 month ago.
but well,i just received it lar.
not all of it too.
i'll just post what i have first,
shall add more if i get more.:D
SHA MA rocks!!BEST camp group ever~;D
shoe stacking competition,see Josh & Melody.
sharing a McFlurry,see Jinyee and Melody smile till so sweet..
having supper at macs,"mountain" of fries.xD
getting ready for warm-up exercises..1-2-3-4 2-2-3-4 3-2-3-4 4-2-3-4..
stretchhhhh...(:
a picture of lao shi..
a picture of myself in my dorm!
SHENG JING FANG family photo!(:
so sad im leaving sheng jing fang le.
moving up to 1723.
i guess i can always go back and visit.
today is sunday,
but i can't go church.
my parents won't let me go to church twice a week.
haiz,anyway.
still looking forward to gate crashing..:D
woo heyz!
went for 1723 today.
had a nice welcome from everyone.
sang lots of praises,
played lots of fellowship games.
ate lots of food,
chatted lots of stuffs.
then quite a few of us went to eat together.
actually we wanted to play pool,
but changed our minds as many of us decided to do other stuffs.
the girls wanted to go home,
most of the guys wanted to play b-ball.
so we decided to play pool another time.
i went to mac with licheng,daniel they all to play cards.
it was a "BANG" game.
i'm also not sure of the real name.
but it was very fun.
if i see it on sale somewhere i would buy it.
nice game to play with a group of 5-6 people.
yup,my day ended about here.
ohya,someone made me think about something.
girls are really weird "objects".
some are really nice,
some are just,hmm.has that kind of weird attitude.
at first i thought its because of meeting a guy like me.
uh-hem..yes,a real sucker i guess..
but well,since most of the girls i meet are real nice.
i guess i'm not the problem,am i?
so hmmm,don't know why i start to wonder on this weird topic.
anyway,its getting real late.
yep,and oh ya.
wishing all sec4s gd luck for coming Os,
start studying early!
don't regret like me.
JIA YOU!
woo,finally,3 days of orientation over.
haha,i sound like i hated the camp real bad.
but no lar,completely not true.
im just super beat..
we played many games,
did many cheers,
had many dances,
had many races.
tho INCA did not came in first,
we still rock.YEA!
IN CA-CA-CA-CA-CA x3 YEA~~!!
many more la,
met many cool people there.
hope we do get a chance to study together.
ohya,and TAMPUS rocks real hard too.
yea!3 cheers & 3 cheers & 3 cheers for TAMPUS!!
HIPHIP-HOORAY x3
3 cheers for MUZ & PEIKEE!!
HIPHIP-HOORAY x3
3 cheers for INCA OGLS!!
HIPHIP-HOORAY x3
ok,also saw my sub combi today.
CHEM,MATHS,ECONS at H2,BIO at H1.
its well,not a combi that i want,
but my parents wanted me to take ECONS at H2.
i always loved bio.
actually wanted ECONS at H1.
i thought my first choice would be unpopular,
and i would get my 2nd choice.
which is econs at H1 la.
sadded.
i tried asking that uhhem teacher,who tells cold jokes.
who was unfotunately in charge of sub combi.
he said we could not change.
anyway,so be it.
i guess i'll be crashing more often then,
since i dont really fancy my combi.
and i recieved the ok sign from someone!
WOOTz!shall crash another JC next week!!
shall not say which.in case got spies!:D.
but many know already.
so yea.very excited..
ok,my first post for this new year.
anyway,first of all.Happy New Year to all.
last night i went for church's new year countdown.
the service was kind of boring.
and i was half the time stoning.
was thinking of tons of things.
anyway,ya.we had the countdown.
30..29..28.............3..2..1..WOOOO!!!
haha,it was quite fun la.
then we sent our new year wishes and hopes up in balloons.
if its so easy to forget.it won't be real.
but i'm telling you its real.
i am dead serious.
i get what you mean,
what you want.
how to make you feel happy.
but its a path i can't bring myself to take.
you are very nice.
you think of others first.
you are afraid that i will feel more hurt in the future.
so you want to end it here.
EH WTF LAR.you are a friend i really cannot lose.
if not my life will be dead.
serious,all the good things i said its not there because of infatuation.
its FACTS.you are this great a person.
why am i never contented with what i have.
i mean we are friends.
good friends.
you allowed me this bit closer than friends.
but i still wanted to push the limits.
and now i am in the worst situation ever.
i'm really stuck once again.
THE FTARD IAN IS ONCE AGAIN......XXXXXED.