I'M BACK! hahaha. okay la, i know i declared this blog dead!
BUT...
I'm here just to post my first and last post of the year!

MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION...:D

A few goals this year..

1) Get into NUS Science/Maths this year!

My ambition is to be a teacher. I really enjoy leading people, guiding them, changing their lives. Its really very fun and challenging. I don't know why many people say a teacher's job is tough and are against me being one. But I see it as a challenge really. A really fun and exciting challenge too! I really want our future young ones to enjoy school, enjoy lessons, not finding school a pain and homework a bore. The challenge of teachers is to make students feel happy studying. I have enjoyed studying certain subjects due to certain teachers. I feel that a teacher is successful not when his students score straight As, he/she is successful when his/her student looks at the timetable and says " YAY, its Mr Low's lesson again!" So yup, will achieve this somehow!:D

2) Love Jiaying, be there for her all the time, keep her happy always!

Okay, i know i have been rather fickle in my JC years. Liking from one girl to another. Often influenced by friends, i'm really quite a person whose decisions are often easily swayed by my friends. I'll change, i promise!:) But after these years, I realised there's this one girl who has been always in and out of my life, who has always been in my mind whether i was in or out of Innova. Even during the period where she steaded this guy, I somehow could not get her out of my mind. Selfish thoughts popped up, something along the lines that i was certain she would break up sooner or later. Although one side of me doesn't want that to happen because she will definitely be sadden by it! Ah, i don't know, love is sweet, bitter, sour and well... salty??(the tears..) I'll think positive from today. No more emoing over Jiaying! I'll only do things that'll make her happy and be happy that she is! Cause I've decided, I'll love this girl.

3) Get my driving liscense!

HAHAH i sooo want to drive! Keep procrastinating on signing up for my BTT! I WILL SIGN UP TODAY! heheh. All my friends are getting their liscense one by one.. even my cousin has gotten hers! I SOOO HAVE TO GET MINE SOOOON!:D

4) Go gyming and running consistently to keep fit!

okay, this is something i have been procrastinating too. I am super envious of people with nice bodies and super fit! People like Jchen and Alvin shall be my idol! hahaha. Shall ask Gabriel to teach me how to build up my body at the gym soon!:)

5) Pick up a new language!

I really think French is cool! or wait, German sounds cool too.. Many people ask me to learn Japanese with them, but I'm not really very interested. Haha. anyway, we'll see. :)

6) To be continued...:)

it hurts..
but i finally decided to grow up!
i officially declare this blog dead!

qm avoided the question!
maybe its true i guess.
don't care don't care don't care don't care!!
ARGH!

6more weeks to POP!
18 more months to ORD!
YES YES YES!!(((((((:
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY THING!
don't think about it!

hahah wierdo.

finally the weekend again! WOO!
pang seh my bunk mates cause i wanted to go back innova.
hahah, anyway, met up with sam and ks.
i SOOOOOO miss school days.
SOO miss days in INNOVA!
ah well, its the past already i guess.
GOTTA LEARN TO LIVE WITH THE SHITTY ARMY DAYS!
i sound like i really hate army!
but well, its really not that bad after all,
with great bunk mates!(:

ohoh, i saw her today! HEHEH!
though it was just a glimpse!

outfield next week!
man i soo hate outfields.
guess it will be over very soon!

i'm feeling wierd again.
i think i'm ignored again.
sian. i wish i'm back at innova!

never thought that i'd fall in love love love loveee..
but it grew from a simple crush crush crush crushhh..
OMG, i soo miss wed nights!
AHHH! Next sat! maybe??

BOOK-IN WHINE AGAIN!
MP has very little PT! but life is kinda boring..
lost my marksman and $200 due to an IA!
but i finally passed my IPPT!
i can almost smell my silver and $100!

dilemma! sms or not??
want to sms but don't want to be a nuisance!
how're you doing??
what are you going through now??
want to know...
HOWW???

2nd week down! 7 more to go.
MLM is in 2 weeks! sian, OUTFIELD!
soo hate outfields!

i think i like you again,
or i never really stopped liking you?

expressed interest for gombak!
HAHAH, slack?? i HOPE!!

it hurts, having the feeling that you don't want to talk to me.
maybe i'm just thinking too much.
anyway, its fine, as long as you're happy!

i want you to do well!
are you just a student of mine?
i don't think so right?

wed was a blast man!
first time i enjoyed butter soo much!

booking in tmr to my new camp!
hope it'll be a good 20 months in MP!(:

oh i got rejected again! HAHAH
talk to mee!

finally POPed!
1 week of block leave! woot! heh.
24km route march followed by GP, it was super tiring..
but i did it! all of us did it together!(:

finally a wed to go clubbing! can't wait!
heheh..
ohoh, went lan with the botaks yesterday!
tower defence is super fun!! want to play more soon!! HEHE!
i keep thinking of her.. thats so gay man! AHH! ((:

you are the thunder and i am the lightning....
omg, i'm so addicted to that now!
EH i wana watch clash of titans!!
book-in blues...
a mind filled with only you!

hmm, last 4 days till POP.
happy? yet hmm, i don't know.
i kind of gave up being upset of my army life.

i keep giving excuses to myself for being fickle minded!
i think.
i don't know la.
ah whatever.
all i know, i can't live my life for myself now.
i shall help you do well!
think of ways to help you improve, since army gives me lots of time to stone.
somehow i feel happy helping you.
being of use to you. okay that sounds abit wierd.
but yea, ask in, its like my only goal in life now.
you doing well. hmm.

guess i'm really into teaching,
perhaps the teacher career is fit for me.
haha, owell. maybe theres more to it than that...
even i'm not sure myself!

ah what am i typing.
sometimes i really want to talk to you, yet you don't reply,
then i wonder.. are you busy? or am i just a pain.
that feeling really sucks.

another 2 weeks have passed!
20 months and 2 weeks to go!
ok, i sound like i really hate NS and can't wait for it to be over..
wait, i think i do!

anyway, it was a shitty 2 weeks,
first was SITEST outfield.
i totally hate outfields.
didn't get a good 2 nights of sleep due to the super hard ground and my bad cough and a fever.
and well, managed to pull through the 2 days i guess..

the second week was kind of slack for me.
managed to get ATT B, but it caused me to miss my 16km route march!
that sucks, though i hate route marches too, i soo do no want to do the remarch after my POP.
speaking of that, POP is in 11 DAYS! woot, can't wait! BYEBYE TEKONG!

hmm, scrolling down my contact list..
i realised something.
it is a super long list, i have many many friends.
however, there is few, too few whom i can speak my heart out to.
few whom i wish to crap with,
very few whom can make me smile or bring my spirits up with just a sms.
thats why i keep bugging these few people during the past few weeks.
especially you, even though you are not free at times,
your encouragements really bring my spirits up! thanks!
i really really want to talk to you more often!
cause life have been shitty,
too shitty for me to survive through alone.
i know it may be irritating,
i'm sorry for disturbing you all.
but i really appreciate it,
you guys really made my past few weeks better,
i should really try to grow up.
learn to adapt faster..
so i'll not cause any more trouble for you guys.

i really really hate NS!
i tried to get used to the lifestyle,
tried to like it,
so that time will pass faster.
BUT I REALLY CANT!

really feel super super sucky right now.
really really want to talk to you.
or YOU.
21 more months to go.
just kill me please.

sorry if i'm becoming a nuisance.
i really really only feel like talking to 2 people.
since one is literally impossible at the moment.
you are my only option.

26th! should i? should i not?
ah screw this life.
just let me die.

i don't know what to feel.
its the same wierd feeling as friday after i got my results.
as in, i have already prepared for the worst.
so i wasn't sad, yet i wasn't exactly happy with my results.
i couldn't cry, yet i could not smile.
i really didn't know what to feel.
my results weren't good, but at least it could get me somewhere.
my dream to be a teacher isn't exactly hard to achieve.
but then again, i'm afraid of my fickle minded self.
will my passion last?
as if i major in sciences or teaching, i will have nothing to fall back on.
unlike if i study accounting or psychology in a private uni,
i still will have teaching to fall back on if i can't find a job or am not satisfied.
i really don't know what i should pursue.

everything seem to be on the down side for me.
i really don't know what to feel,
afraid of what lies ahead of me too.
even the immediate tomorrow, field camp.
some say its very tough, though many have gone through it.
someone once asked me, shouldn't guys be brave, not scared, not worried of what lies ahead.
its true to a certain extent i guess, but nope,
guys still feel scared, worried, uneasy all the time.
just that we don't show it, we hide it, and we still get it done in the end.
isn't that what all people do? girls or guys?
just that girls show their fear, their worries, their uneasiness, and have people to get it done together with them.
while guys, we normally conquer the fear, and get it done ourselves.

i once felt, NS is the toughest time of my life, and that i could not get through it without a motivation.
really, although i know i don't have a choice, i have to get used to the life, i have to get through it, i still have my down times.
especially during the toughest trainings,
the super long distances road marches with 20kg loads on your shoulder.
there are many times where my body tell me i'm tired, it hurts, my blisters, my aching shoulders.
but i knew i could not give up. i had to finish it.
i raked through my mind for all sorts of motivations.
tried all sorts of ways to make myself continue on, taking the next step.
echoing her name in my mind taking a step forward with every syllable.
really, this kind of life totally sucks.

field camp next week,
the toughest of the toughest times.
still haven't totally gotten over my shitty results..
unsure of my future, on my courses in uni, the working days after those.
i really don't know how i'm going to endure through this week.
but i know i have to.

though a guy keeps his fears, his worries,
if theres people to walk his fears with him, it'd definitely be better,
maybe some encouragement like "press on" would help,

really grateful to you, who was there to keep my mind off those shitty stuff,
although i would be happier if it was her instead. kidding!(:
nah, you are still someone really important to me.
a sister, someone whom i will be there for at all times no matter what happens.
you may feel otherwise but my stance will never change.

ah, i don't know what i can do.
i really want to hear your voice,
your encouragement.
i know you are facing shitty times too,
but i can't be there,
i don't know what i can do for you.
i really feel super useless, aimless, shitty, depressed, worried, afraid,
in short, i feel shit.

wonder when i will grow up. haha
yup. still as noob as ever.

7 more hours before reporting back to tekong!
sian, how to continue those trainings with pain all over my body.
blisters and all, legs, hands and all..
sian.
i want to say sorry,
yet i know its of no use,
i really don't know what to do.
i keep thinking and thinking but find no solution to this.
hopefully i will one day.

after 4 days of hols and finally booking in again tmr.
it so feels like i just started my NS life.
the feeling sucks..
when will i ever get used to NS life!

really glad i got to meet her today.
wanted to club but didn't, ended up just drinking alittle.
HAPPY! hahaha.

finally first bookout.
first week in NS wasn't the best, but i guess its manageable.
have been failing alot of things in there,
but i guess i'll work hard for the next 8 weeks and get my fitness up!
booking in on tues, tired, sianed yet a little excited.
ah well.

prepared the vday stuffs!
but no chance to meet you.
guess i'll use the alternatives!
Happy Vday!(:

walked chinatown last night with the guys and shiying.
first time i did it,
eyeopener i guess.
bet she was counting down somewhere too.

when you keep randomly thinking of her, missing her..
think of her when you are down or need motivation..
is that still only and infatuation?
will it die down after a while?
ah well, whatever.. all i want now is to finish my 22 months of NS.
as long as she is safe and happy,
all rest shall proceed slowly..

eh, freaking photo printer still can't work. HOW??

ianHIGH(:
030891;
ParryPS; MSHS; InnovaJC;
CRAZY for ANIMES;
{LOVES} GOD; myFRIENDS; 0823A; PONTIARACO; FLOORBALL; HYPERNOVAS; INNOVA; ANIMES; HOCKEY ; SLEEPING; PURPLE; SUBWAY;
{HATES} MUGGING; JERKS; MUTILATION;
I am just a normal guy,leading too normal a life.Gentlemanly?maybe a little.Smart?not at all.Handsome?HA!i wish.