Sunday, July 22, 2007 @9:57 PM
ok,i have decided.i shall grow up.
i shall take control of this infatuation,this crush,
this whatever it is.
i know i am a nobody to her,
i know if this continues i'll be hated.
BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.
i think i like you ok.
but i can't say it,
cause we are not even counted friends.
anyway,even if i say it,
it would mean nothing,nothing at all.
you said you are nice,
i can't disagree with it at all.
you said you would treat everyone as friends,
equality,i thought it was hope.
OMG,I SUCK.
I SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR FROM THIS EARTH.
i'm really confused,
what the hell am i trying to do?
what the hell am i trying to achieve?
a guy who is only fit to love,hate,be hated,
NOT TO BE LOVED.
i really don't know what am i doing with my life.
i am so afraid i would be hated by you,
yet i keep saying lame stuffs to you.
you said its nothing,
but i keep thinking that one day you would hate me.
i'm so afraid for that day to come.
PLEASE GOD,
HELP ME,
SAVE ME,
GUIDE ME.
i'm so lost,
so lost.
please don't hate me.
i've decided,
i should take one step at a time.
i should just aim for us to be friends,
before thinking about other things.
every time i read post about other guys,
i get jealous,
or at least i think that is jealousy.
i have learnt that jealousy is a sin,
i have told myself i shall be a good son of god,
i shall try not commit any sins.
but its hard,
i can't help but be jealous.
i think its because i suck.
i am not fit to be a child of god.
i am so lost.
i thought i have matured,
both spiritually and mentally.
i guess i am wrong,
i'm still as childish as ever.
when will i ever grow up?
but i still dare say,
i ever like you.
and am still liking you.
hmmm,didn't know can press "enter" and leave such a big space,quite fun sia:))